|
| Tomorrow, I am starting it all over. I am not going to live this way anymore.
buy water
order books
go swimming
eat 1200 calories
put $20 of gas in car
drink 1 gallon of water
put new music on i-Pod
MW: 152.8
| | |
| It's hard to believe that some people claim to have morals ...
On New Year's, I was lying in bed with this guy, Max [we didn't do anything sexual, not even kiss, much to his dismay]. I told him about my friend, C. She's 18, but she doesn't have a "mature" relationship with her parents, as in, she lies to them, and even worse, uses me as a scapegoat! I told him what I'm about to tell you, and he told me to ditch the friendship. The next morning at 7am, after trying to hook up with me all night, he leaves before I wake up ... I don't think I should take advice from someone who is a douche-bag.
Example #1 - C smokes pot, but she won't tell her parents, even though I've told her that they ask me like every time they see me. They know she hangs out with this kid who smokes pot all the time, so they think she smokes with him, which she does. Whenever she's going to smoke with him, she tells her parents that she's hanging out with me. One time, she told her mom she was hanging out with me and met him down the street, and they ran into her mom, who was taking the dog on a walk ... she showed the mom a text I sent her saying that I couldn't hang out with her because I was with my dad at the hospital, which got her off the hook.
Example #2 - C , her boyfriend and I were going to a party, but spending the night at her parents and then leaving in the morning. Her mom told her that she isn't allowed to sleep in the same bed as her boyfriend, and that she had to share the bed with me. I ended up sleeping alone, and they slept together. Her mom came in at 7, and saw that C wasn't with me. At 8 C slips into bed with me, but I tell her that her mom already came in, and she asks me why I didn't lie for her. First of all, I had just woken up, and second of all, I'm almost 20 years old, I'm too old for that shit.
ps - since when is 'helluva' is a real word?!
I've already eaten over 1200 calories, but I don't care.
| | |
| - the perfect way to describe Kesha's new song, although I do like it. LOL @ rhyming blah blah blah with ca-a-r [car].
I was at thedailyplate.com, which is a weight loss site. You put in age, activity level and how many lbs a week you want to lose - I said 2, because the option was listed and I was curious as to what it would suggest.
In order to lose 2 lbs a week, I would have to consume 1200 calories. Apparently 1200 is the minimum amount of calories a day that you should consume. If I ate 3 meals a day, each meal would each consist of 400 calories. I'm going to try this diet - I just need to make sure my calories don't consist mainly of un-healthy foods. When I was 16, I used to eat 1000 calories a day and lost 40 lbs - I used to exercise for an hour or two everyday, playing tennis or swimming - I did it the semi-healthy way - there's nothing "healthy" about eating 1000 calories.
151.8. Today I consumed about a billion calories in white rice, orange chicken and pot-stickers. I'm going to have to make Chinese food a monthly indulgence - it's way too fattening. I gained becuase of the Chinese food yesterday, and then I went and had it again today.
| | |
| Admitting you have a problem is one step closer to fixing it, right?
I was in class yesterday, analyzing a story within a group, and listening to the other group member's perspectives when I realized what my ex meant when he said I lacked depth [I forgot what a sweetheart he was]. I always assumed he meant emotional depth which I always admitted to [I was 16 at the time]. Yes, at 16 I was a spoiled, conceited brat [very much like Miss Taylor Momsen]. I have since learned to take others' feelings into consideration, and realize that the reality doesn't always parallel my fantasy world. While listening to the other group members share, and listening to their conclusion and the logic behind their reasoning, it made me realize that I'm not ... deep. Or maybe I'm just lazy? I'm definitely lazy. I could have thought of what they said if I had tried. If I don't put my all in, I don't have to know to come face to face with what I measure up to. However, I'm too critical of myself.
I think I'm emotionally immature for someone my age, but lately I have matured a lot. I'm actually ready to be in a relationship - even emotionally opening up and talking about my feelings doesn't seem scary! Sometimes, I feel this is the year that I'll get married.
Whenever I meet someone under 18, I don't like to judge them too harshly. Who I was at 16 was very different from who I was at 17, and at 18, and of course now. I'm less of a giant superficial bitch - less. Maturity takes time, and I have to be somewhat of a bitch to stand up to my peers.
| | |
| Many apartments are $800 - $1000 a month - let's say 1000.
Let's say I get a job that pays $10 an hour [that's shitty pay].
10 hours = $ 100
100 hours = $ 1000
I would have to balance out a job with school though. Sometimes, I wish I was a prostitute, or had a sugar daddy. Someone to financially support me while I'm in school and tends to my sexual needs? OKAY!
I would have to work 20 days a month though, but if it got me out of this hell hole, I would do it.
new goal = get a job
| | |
|
